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Hello, and welcome to the new people who have recently joined my ‘I’ll remind you about this post’ e-mail service. (You can 'unsubscribe' any time)
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My theme this month: Stuff
I don’t mean ‘stuff’ as in any old thing, I mean the stuff we collect – nick-nacks, memorabilia, little treasures, mementos ... well, OK – toot! (And I suspect many of us have gathered even more over Thanksgiving and Christmas!)
Two things brought this topic to mind, one, the necessary house clearance after the recent death of my dear friend, Mal, and a conversation I had with another dear friend who was also in the position of having to undertake an enormous clear-out. During a telephone conversation we happened to mention all the things that need to be ‘got rid of’ either because of death, going into a care home or simply moving house. And yes, both of us admitted that we had way too much ‘stuff’ much of which might be important to ourselves but not to anyone else.
So what will happen to most of it when we’re no longer here to want it? Charity shop, auctioned (if worth any value) house clearance or, sadly, just binned or skipped?
The sad thing, what is regarded as treasurer, or ‘liked’ by one individual, is probably a heap of junk to someone else – even someone else in the immediate family. My husband has a habit of seeing 'stuff' in the local charity (thrift) shops, something he likes and buys it as a present for me. Nine times out of ten said gift is horrendous, but I smile and say thank you because I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I guess he was trying to be nice. It's just that he has no sense of what is nice and what isn't. Funny how all the china ornaments he gets manage to have an 'accident' after a suitable period of time. (Innocent whistle...)
Does it all come down to 'taste'? Good Taste? Bad Taste? And who are we, as individuals, to set the standard? Something handcrafted - not necessarily expensive - beats something mass produced in plastic, surely?
Without upsetting my US readers and friends, is all that gaudy Bling now in the Oval Office good taste?
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| The Archers Cast |
For fans of the long running BBC Radio soap series, The Archers, there was a recent storyline where a painting at Lower Loxley Hall (a stately home where a few of the characters live) that depicted a slave transport ship - through which the ancestral family money was made. The painting was removed as it was in 'bad taste'. Was it bad taste? Should history not be shown truthfully? Is 'offensive' the same as 'bad taste'?
There again, ostentatious can be 'bad taste'... huge diamonds? Good? Bad? Maybe it depends on the context? Elizabeth Taylor was a very beautiful woman who possessed beautiful (stunning!) jewelry. On her, it was not gaudy or 'show off' - beauty goes with beauty - but on an ordinary woman? Maybe not a good idea.
Looking round one room, my ‘study’: I like the dragon ornaments I've collected, maybe the pot plants might outlive me if I continue to remember to water them. (Not sure if the palm tree thingy that was put outside for summer, and was then forgotten about when the first frost came will survive. It looks a bit... er... dead.) My books are mostly history text books, but I had a sad clear out a few years ago when it seemed daft to keep most of them as I'd not be able to read or use them (my wonky sight = unable to read print comfortably.) I donated the newer ones to the local library.
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| Yare dragons this one was bought for me in Ambleside, the Lake District by a very dear, now passed away, friend. |
CDs are mostly treasures - although there are a few that I don't really like that much. But who wants CDs now that there's streaming? (Apart from me?)
And the collection of acorn-themed stuff? I don’t mean actual acorns - although I do have a pot of those as well.) I have quite a few ornamental acorns. (No prizes for why I collect acorns!) The wine bottles used as candle holders? They are 'keeps' as we occasionally need candles because we get power cuts. But do I want to keep all ten of them? Not really.
My pictures? Only one is worth anything: an original Chris Collingwood [historical artist). It is the original painting that was used for the very first edition of The Kingmaking.
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| my room, my desk a few years ago (much messier now!) |
Beside my desk I have several ‘special’ mugs that contain pens pencils, elastic bands etc - all chipped, cracked or handle-less, but all special for various reasons. There's one with a portrait of my pirate, Jesamiah Acorne, another with a mouse on the handle, another with 'H' for Helen. I bought that years ago while on holiday in the Norfolk Broads.
Most of us collect things, holiday or special occasion mementos, treasured presents ... not so treasured gifts that you smile, enthuse over then, when a bit of time has passed, get shoved in a cupboard or drawer before the next stage of being discreetly slipped into the bin. (see above re my husband! LOL) But stuff is stuff - and be honest, what would we do without it?
I was always hurt as a child, saving up pocket money to buy something nice for my mum for birthday or Christmas, only, always (yes always) to be told ‘what do I want this for?’. Every time, she did the same. Never, ever grateful. The most hurtful? I gave her a paperback copy of my novel about Queen Emma when it was hot off the press, just published. Her response?
"What do I want this for? With my sight, I can't read it."
Yes, like me she had Glaucoma and couldn't see print. But I assumed she'd be proud enough to want to show it to friends and visitors.
Obviously not.
I’ve always made sure that I smile and say 'thank you' when I get a present – my only problem now is that I can’t always see what something is, so I have to puzzle first then say thank you!
The 'stuff' even carries over to the Christmas decorations. Chris Mouse (a toy mouse with a red body and white ears) was 48 years old this Christmas. I bought him for my very first Christmas in my own flat back in 1977.
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| Mab as a kitten December 2010 still with us here in Devon. |
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| husband Ron at his recent 91st birthday pub meal treat (dessert: apple crumble) |
I mentioned items being rescued from a dustbin... my husband used to be a dustman (I think we have to say 'Refuse Collector' now?) He found the dolls' house chucked out to be thrown away and rescued it. He also found a rocking horse. Not one of those big posh expensive ones, but one that was still pretty good, despite it not having a mane or tail and being somewhat scruffy. So what? I made a new mane and tail, cleaned him up, repainted his eyes, nostrils and hooves and made him a lovely red rug - and my Kathy's face on Christmas Morning when she was 7 years old was an absolute picture! We still have Mushroom. He lives on the landing upstairs. And that's why 'stuff' is so important.
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| not quite the same - but near enough |
So yes, a lot of the 'stuff' I have is treasure, and it's going nowhere!
Mind, daughter Kathy is going to have a fine time clearing out when I’ve eventually 'gone'. On the other hand, her flat adjoining the main farmhouse has it's own selection of 'stuff'! Who doesn't?
How much 'stuff' have you got?
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As it happens your newsletter popped into my inbox when I was in the middle of a de-clutter of my desk - it has taken nearly 2 days (so far!) In my defence I had to actually skim-read most of the sheets of notes before deciding if they were destined for the recycling. (Most were old marketing notes - never implemented - from podcasts of yesteryear - bound to be out of date now.) But what really struck me was your 'Yare' dragon - I have one called 'The proposal' - as it was a present I didn't know the make, or that I could get any others that distinctly 'matched' the one I have in style. Yours is like the baby that followed the marriage that came of my one. - I was really pleased to see it.
ReplyDeleteLOL about the only place that IS tidy is my actual desk ... that's because there's not much room here!
DeleteOh Hellen, do I have “stuff” 🤣. My kids are always giving me the eye roll every time I buy something! In particular a craft supply (of which I collect voraciously but never seem to find the time to use) or books (I’m like a dragon hoarding shiny things when it comes to books) but they have been schooled on which books are valuable (the signed copy of Bring it Close you gifted to me when Jake and I visited London all those years ago and my signed copies of 2 Sharon Penman books) they know they are not to be binned after I’m gone. I’m sure my Jake will find somewhere to keep them. But I find the memories attached to my “stuff” comforting…..and, yes, it does become overwhelming at times.
ReplyDeleteand that day we met I remember well! (Must do it again one day!)
DeleteFingers crossed it will be sooner rather than later!!
DeleteOh yes! I’m trying to clear ‘ stuff’ because when we cleared parents in law house, there was their stuff, their parent’s stuff, an aunt’s stuff, and so on. 13 Bibles in French that no one wanted. What do you do with them?Betting rid of books is hard and I have buried some in my woodland, they will return to the earth.
ReplyDeleteactually burying, or even adding to a compost heap is a good idea - better than burning or throwing away! Perhaps I'll add to my will that I want to be buried with one each of 'My' books.
ReplyDeleteSo sad to read about your mum's responses to your gifts. That sort of experience stays with you for ever. I was lucky, in that my mum adored me and would never have rejected anything I gave her. But she's gone now, and it's just not the same. Must have hurt you so much to feel that rejection of your efforts to show love for your mum. I bet you're a great mum to Kathy, though!
ReplyDeleteAh yes, the dreaded clear-out of our treasures. I feel your tug of the heart, Helen. Hopefully, someone will enjoy the ones I placed on consignment with an antique store. Others get donated - and a few are being given to younger friends with larger homes. And still, the closets are seemingly bursting. Glad you left the dolls' house and the rocking horse; they seem to be very special.
ReplyDeletewhat a lovely post! And yes, we all have treasures others label junk. Although I must admit to having done quite a lot of "death cleaning" as we've moved from house to apartment, to new apartment, to this apartment.
ReplyDeleteFrom an American, "gaudy bling" is an understatement. I am keeping all my treasures, my children can deal with them. I like to imagine they will be fighting over it all. 😉
ReplyDeleteHi Helen, excellent read as per usual. Regarding the reference to the Archers episode I think that burying history, no matter how disturbing it may have been, is an invitation for it to be repeated in the future. This may apply to any incident or period.
ReplyDeleteHi Helen So refreshing to receive and read your interesting blog. I just finished reading the comments and am happy that there are still so many clever, thoughtful, warm and pensive readers out there. I was wondering what your thoughts are in Britain about the content of the news these days? I've gone from reading 'all the news that's fit to print' and watching news programs on TV to saving myself from the upsetting diatribes so prevalent today. I love to walk downtown and meet new people in stores, restaurants and while waiting for traffic lights. I talk to most of those folks and they reply, giving me smiles, good stories of good people and bright spots in my day. What is the state of the news where you are?
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, Helen! I always love reading your updates and this one was especially absorbing and interesting. I liked hearing about the rescues of things other people had thrown away, and Kathy's rescue of your doll's house! X
ReplyDelete